Two days ago I hit a wall.
I knew it would happen eventually. I'd been running on adrenaline since the Christmas Eve nightmare discovery of betrayal -- trips to a lawyer (my first ever), a financial guy (my first ever), a mental health therapist, texting, messaging, talking, walking with friends and family.
I was having panic attacks, getting by on four or five hours of sleep, losing weight (not a bad thing). I was bombarded with advice, warnings, do this, do that. I finally crashed and did nothing on Thursday except for a long-scheduled annual physical. Miraculously, my blood pressure was good.
The next day, I received two messages that spoke directly to me. Jillian's Friday yoga message was about balance and it being sometimes absolutely necessary to "shut down, kick back, and do nothing."
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| I took this photo of balanced rocks years ago in Sedona. |
And right before yoga, I received a text from my daughter in law, two lines from the poet Mary Oliver:
"Things take the time they take.
Don't worry."
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| Me and my beloved Sedona rocks and sky. |
A friend in San Francisco read my cards over the phone. If the cards are right, I will come through this to a place of strength, happiness, creativity, serenity and all good things. This High Priestess card may inspire a quilt. Here's a detail of one of my older quilts titled "Other Worlds."
Tomorrow is a trip with a friend to my favorite out-of-town quilt store for color therapy and planning my first new quilt of the new year.
p.s. Another quote from Mary Oliver from a comment that Gerrie just left. Thank you, Gerrie. It's right on:
"Someone I loved once
gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this too, was a gift."
Have a colorful day
Sending you big hugs. I think I have figured out what is going on. I am loving your attitude today. Be strong. Another quote from Mary Oliver: “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”
ReplyDeleteI saw both of those Mary Oliver quotations on Facebook and immediately thought of you. Not wanting to be part of the bombardment I sensed you were getting, I've not wanted to bombard you further with pithy quotes. But I am thankful that these two people sent these particular ones along, plus those words of wisdom from your yoga teacher. I believe them all.
ReplyDeleteIt's a scary path you are embarking on, scarier because it was not by your choice. But I do believe you have the resources, support and smarts to navigate it. It will involve some risks, pushing past fears, but my own yoga teacher encouraged that if you do not do that, if you stay in the safe world made smaller by fear, you will miss the wonderful things waiting for you on the other side. Namaste, my friend.
and for simply getting out of Dodge, there is always an invitation to visit Susan in PT.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are sharing all these wonderful words of wisdom...they can be read and used by each of us. Hope you had a wonderful 'color' trip!!! Yea for you!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, my friend. Doing nothing is hard, but at times it is the only recourse. Hope you enjoy your outing and come back with lots of colorful fabrics to play with soon!
ReplyDeleteI had so many personal thoughts while reading this post. Too many things going on at the same time can cause stress. Lucky that you got them all done without breaking. Lucky that you realized you needed to take a break for you. Wonderful that you have friends that care and knew what to say.
ReplyDeletexx, Carol
I love your blog- you weave words, photos of people and places, and your work and your heartfelt feelings so beautifully. I have had emotional and physical upheavals and found that there are gifts and learning from even the darkest moments- we don't always know it at the time but with time, we see how the experiences made our lives richer and took us in directions we might have never discovered.
ReplyDelete